Learn to give yourself self-compassion at Sharpham

If your internal voice is unkind and you'd like to improve that, we, together with esteemed mindfulness and self-compassion teacher Kristin Neff, have some assistance.

In this exercise, Kristin invites you to enquire of yourself and your reactions.

This is an extract from Kristin's book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, recommended by our Barn Retreat Centre in our online bookshop here

If you feel you need to develop a kinder voice towards yourself, consider coming on one of our self-compassion retreats in Sharpham House, The Coach House or at The Barn

When we give ourselves compassion, the tight knot of negative self-judgment starts to dissolve, replaced by a feeling of peaceful, connected acceptance - a sparkling diamond that emerges from the coal.

Exercise One: How Do You React to Yourself and Your Life?

How do you typically react to yourself?

• What types of things do you typically judge and criticizeyourself for—appearance, career, relationships, parenting, and so on?
• What type of language do you use with yourself when you notice some flaw or make a mistake—do you insult yourself, or do you take a more kind and understanding tone?
• If you are highly self-critical, how does this make you feel inside?
• What are the consequences of being so hard on yourself? Does it make you more motivated, or does it tend to make you discouraged and depressed?
• How do you think you would feel if you could truly accept yourself exactly as you are? Does this possibility scare you, give you hope, or both?

How do you typically react to life difficulties?

• How do you treat yourself when you run into challenges in your life? Do you tend to ignore the fact that you’re suffering and focus exclusively on fixing the problem, or do you stop to give yourself care and comfort?
• Do you tend to get carried away by the drama of difficult situations, so that you make a bigger deal out of them than you need to, or do you tend to keep things in balanced perspective?
• Do you tend to feel cut off from others when things go wrong, with the irrational feeling that everyone else is having a better time of it than you are, or do you try to remember that all people experience hardship in their lives?

If you feel that you lack sufficient self-compassion, check in with yourself - are you criticizing yourself for this, too? If so, stop right there.

Try to feel compassion for how difficult it is to be an imperfect human being in this extremely competitive society of ours.

Our culture does not emphasize self-compassion, quite the opposite. We’re told that no matter how hard we try, our best just isn’t good enough. It’s time for something different.

We can all benefit by learning to be more self-compassionate, and now is the perfect time to start.